Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Randomize
