Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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