..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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