No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
