I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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