his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
