I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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