just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
