I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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