Your mouth is God's brothel.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
