There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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