I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
