Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
