What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You ate ashes out of my bong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
