whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
