i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
