I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
