Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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