I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
