It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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