i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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