My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
