She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
