This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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