You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
