I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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