I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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