so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
