So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
