I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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