He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just pee around me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
