i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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