Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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