new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
