I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
