You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
