I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
