my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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