I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize