is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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