ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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