Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
