just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
