I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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