at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
