i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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