the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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