she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize