i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
