very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
