Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
