My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
