i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
