we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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