I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize