She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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