i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
