The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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