The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
