if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
