i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
