I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
