A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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