I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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