you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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