I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
