direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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