i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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