you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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