Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
