We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
