we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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